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The first approach will provide information that might be useful for rescuing the relationship but the second only invites a counter-attack.

Most wives have a good idea of the identity of the woman he’s texting or messaging.

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In the pre-internet age, with the phone in the hall way, a phone call after ten o’clock would be an emergency – like a teenager stranded at a party or the death of a family member.

Nowadays you can send or receive a text or an email at any time of the day or night.

Perhaps you love him so much that you want to believe him or you don’t think ‘he’s that type of guy’.

Alternatively, he’s such a good debater that he’s persuaded you that you’re being paranoid (and therefore beginning to doubt your own instincts) or he claims your constant questioning is doing his head in (and you’re frightened of ruining the relationship).

You’ve most probably tried to tackle your husband texting another woman but nothing has really changed.

In my experience of thirty years helping couples as a marital therapist, you’ve fallen into one or more of the following traps.

Or ‘Why don’t you talk to me as much as you do her?

) rather than making accusations (‘You’re having an affair’).

There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to smartphone etiquette but what gets our attention is what thrives.

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